i have a beautiful woman who loves me sleeping on call with me right now as i sit here drinking white claws thinking about everything that lead me to this point. maybe theres nothing to think about really, maybe none of it really matters in the grand scheme of things despite it meaning everything, kind of like judas's betrayal of jesus. people want to chastise judas for what he did, but the wheels of motion were set from the start, judas had to betray jesus for the prophecy to be fulfilled.