i miss my innocence 

     I now view myself as the most disgusting being on the planet, and only because I have to experience all my dopamine chasing behaviors first hand. I need help, I need serious help. I need to quit the cycle, I want to quit the cycle. please

 im so fucking lonely

Hachiko

    I spend so much time thinking of what to say to you, wondering what I could say to you that wouldn't feel like pointless pestering, but that's just my own self deprecating heart speaking. Maybe my presence really does mean something to you, maybe you do enjoy hearing the countless ramblings that I have to offer, I don't know. All I do know is you continue to be this one source of light in my banal, agonizing existence and I really can't do anything about it except hold onto that spark I get when you're around. All I can do is find the right meaningless words to say and await your reply, and its never not worth it.

In the corner of my eye it wriggles tauntingly.

i wish so much to be more than two passing ships in the night.

I'll be damned

     Had sex for the first time in over a year, made 25 bucks, and got a six pack of beer, interesting day to say the least. Feels like the first decent break from the horrors of my existence in a long while. Not that I'm complaining, I just hope more days like this come my way, because I really need it.